So This Is Love? Ways my horses show me love

Some people would argue that horses don’t have emotions. But anyone who has truly gotten close to a horse knows that’s not true. Horses have many emotions - they can be happy, sad, angry, giddy, bored, or frustrated. They can feel uncertain, offended, and love… they can most definitely Love. There can be no question of that in my mind: I’ve experienced it so many times.

Horses have a deep need for companionship. A horse left alone is a heartbreaking thing to see, as they often fall into deep depression. God created them to live in groups. They will form cemented bonds with others within their herd that can last their entire lifetime. They will care for one another and defend each other, even at the expense of their own pain. They spend their time together, participate in mutual grooming, and have fun together. But can they have this same attachment to humans? Does this clear display of love reach out to us as their handlers and owners? For me, that’s a resounding, Yes! 

Horses and humans have been building these incredible relationships for hundreds, even thousands of years. Not all people who ride and work with horses feel this way; for some horses are merely a tool, or perhaps worse. But for those of us who adore them, horses are an extension of our very hearts. And horses bless us with their love in return.

I’d love to share with you three short stories of different times when my horses expressed their love for me, not simply as a herd leader, but as a beloved family member.

Wrapped Up

At sixteen and just beginning my journey in horse ownership, I had a lot to learn. But with all those years of waiting, I had a lot of love stored up. I couldn’t get enough time with my horses and I would spend hours grooming them and talking to them. And every day, without conscious thought, I would hug them - wrapping my arms around their neck, feeling my joy bubble over. Now horses show their love and care in many beautiful ways, but hugging, as we see it, isn’t exactly a part of their behavior. Being very emotionally intelligent creatures, horses are keenly aware of what those around them are feeling. So my girls knew that this was an expression of my affection for them and I could tell they enjoyed it. One day as I hugged Cutter and whispered “I love you.” in her ear, I felt her begin to move. She wrapped her neck around my shoulders, leaning her head against my side. With a gentle squeeze, she pulled me closer. She was mimicking my actions to her. She was literally hugging me back.

Invited into the Circle

I ducked under the fence and headed to where Dolly and Cutter were standing in the pasture. It was late sunset and I was checking on them one more time before heading in for the night. As I drew closer I could see that they were doing mutual grooming to each other, a precious act where two or more horses will use their noses and teeth to scratch and massage each other. It is a clear sign of bonding between horses, like exchanging friendship bracelets so to speak. I didn’t want to disturb them so I walked slowly, taking my time, taking in the scene in front of me. They both turned to look at me as I reached them. Dolly reached her nose toward me, beckoning me closer. As I stepped next to her, she touched me with her nose, asking permission, as horses do to a leader, to ‘groom’ me. When I scratched her neck, she began rubbing her nose on my head, using her lip to massage, working her way down to my shoulder. Cutter continued to groom Dolly and I turned to scratch Cutter. Here the three of us stood, creating a circle, a tight-knit circle of the herd.

Comfort in the Barn

I needed a place to hide. I had just lost my beloved rescue dog unexpectedly to cancer and at that moment the world was just too much. I went running to the barn. It was empty. I sank to sit on a bucket in the lean-to. Here, alone, I let all the heartbreaking inside of me meld into tears. Minutes later I became aware that I was no longer alone. I lifted my head and found the horses standing close by. Their heads were lowered to be at eye level with me, concern evident on their faces. With small steps, they walked forward and came to stand on either side of me. Slowly, so slowly I felt them lean their heads against me. It was a tender touch, a comforting touch. Horses may not weep, but they understood my pain. I couldn’t keep back the tears, couldn’t utter a word to them. Still, they stayed there with me, hardly moving, until I had no more tears to cry. Until their calm presence began to seep into me. I have no idea how long we all stayed there, but I do know this: they stood by me in my hurt, caring for me as one of their own.

So, this is love? Yes, love that’s pure, selfless and so ready to be shared. I am so blessed to get to experience it through my three mares and the horses I have trained for others. 

I hope I never take it for granted or lose the wonder of it, because it’s one of the best feelings in the world.